Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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