i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
