Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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