Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
