That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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