i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
