we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
