so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
