Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
