Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.