i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
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I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.