I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats