This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that