a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina