Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
