So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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