Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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