I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i think my cat just said my name.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
