Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize