shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
