Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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