What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
