So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
