Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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