I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
