don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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