Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
