His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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