It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
