nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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