Just fell off a train. Bad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
