Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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