i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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