I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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