It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
