forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
