My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
