i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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