I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
