you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
