I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize