I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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