drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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