So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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