Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
