after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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