i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
