so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
