i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
