fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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