I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
