i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
