I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
