I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
