we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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