i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
