two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
