dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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