I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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