I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
