this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize