Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
one might say we're banned from that church
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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