Already got asked if we're dating
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
