Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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