I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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