yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
