Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
