I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
