So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
