If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
