i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
