I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
