its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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