I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
