Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
