It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
