I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
