I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
