thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
