y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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