do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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