I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
