DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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