No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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