So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
