She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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