Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
